Friday, November 30, 2012

What They Say Ain't What They Mean

Here's some nonsense from my handsome Hillbilly husband:
See what I mean? He's very nice looking.

The other day, I was thinking about things we all are told by the opposite sex and their families over the period of our lives.  No, I am not talking about the simple, one or two word type of statements or curse words.  But statements that sound like they mean one thing but most likely mean something completely different.  The following are some of the ones of which I have been told.

"You are a really nice looking young man!" ------ Thanks Mom!  Yeah, parents are good at trying to build you up.  On the other hand, a song Mom often sang around me said  ---  My Momma told me son--- there are more pretty girls than one ---  every time I go to look around --- there are more pretty girls than one.  My thought is that she was thinking that this poor homely hillbilly boy was going to be dumped many times in his life and that she was subconsciously preparing me for the eventuality.
Look at the handsome Hillbilly Boy!

After looking at some of your childhood pictures --- "You were such a cute kid!"  Which means----Dude! What happened?

From my first girlfriend --- "You could go with any girl in this high school!"  In her mind – "Not really, but you might as well start trying because you won’t be going with me much longer!"

After breakups --- "It's not your fault it's me!"   True! Or at least that’s my answer!

"I believe that instead of going steady, we should continue to date others."  In other words, if I don’t have any other choices, I will hang out with you.  But, I am looking for something better!

From girls --- "You are so handsome!"  Yes --- thank you --- thank you for nearsighted women who practically need braille to read!  This type of condition gives us poor homely guys a chance so they can realize our charm, our inward beauty or handsomeness!  Again, thank you!

From a girl, (good friend I worked with), after I had complained about not dating anyone in a long time ---- "Why if you were serious, all you would have to do is stand still and you would get run over in the stampede."  Admittedly, she was another nearsighted girl.  It could be that she was warning me to not walk into a room full of girls and then stand in front of the door for fear I would be killed when the girls all ran out!

From the girl’s parents "Did I mention that her curfew time is 11:00?"  A few minutes later ---" Her curfew is 11:00."  In other words, "Screw up and I will be waiting with this here gun.  Just give me a chance to use it on you, you homely hillbilly boy!  Dear, did you see how homely that Hillbilly kid is?  We gotta get that girl some new glasses!"

From Cynthia --- "You are my good looking man!"  Yes dear, good looking, charming, etc.  Gotta love those nearsighted women!

From the Hillbilly’s Corner!

Well, I may be nearsighted, but I've seen him up close, and my Hillbilly is a very handsome man. Don't listen to his nonsense!