Wednesday, November 2, 2011

My Favorite Hillbilly

Just over 8 years ago, I met this really nice man. He's from Missouri. He refers to himself as a Missouri, redneck, Ozarkian hillbilly. He's a nut, but he's my nut. We met in June at a church function I was attending in his hometown in Missouri, and we married in December. Our four grown children smiled and mostly kept their mouths shut. Thank you, grown children.

Us with our smiling grown children
Let me tell you about My Hillbilly. Aside from having sayings that make no sense whatsoever ("He was goofier than a mashed cat"), he's really a wonderful man. Of course, I knew that before I married him (honest I did, grown children), but it became really apparent to me during the series of misadventures we laughingly refer to as our honeymoon.

The unfortunate events actually started before the honeymoon or even the wedding day. I always get my flu shot in the fall, but the fall of 2003 was very busy. I was selling a house, buying a house, moving, and planning a wedding. So you can see there was no time to stop and get a flu shot. Naturally, a week before the wedding, I came down with a lovely case of the flu accompanied by vertigo. Dizzy spells. Very dizzy. Fortunately not all the time, so wedding plans continued. I drank lots of OJ, took lots of decongestant and kept going. An hour before the wedding, I was in the ladies’ room swigging Robitussin from the bottle. I didn’t know it at the time, but The Hillbilly had a sore tooth which would become abscessed in the next few days.

The wedding went well and the reception was fun. While we were enjoying our reception our children were decorating our car. They used several cans of shaving cream and blue crepe paper. Did I mention that it was raining? And we had rented a white car for the honeymoon? And that wet, blue crepe paper will dye the white paint on your car? While cleaning shaving cream off the rental car, The Hillbilly lost the extra key to my regular car, and we never did find it. 
The guilty parties. Evidence to be used at a later date.

We drove our blue and white rental car to the coast for a few days and had a lovely time. We walked on the beach, and went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium . We ate at several really nice restaurants including our new favorite, Bullwhacker’s. It was all very nice except for the parts where he was holding his face in his hand moaning, or the parts where I was having dizzy spells or throwing up. Oh, and the earthquake. But that was centered many miles away, and while it surprised The Hillbilly, I was used to it, and my head was spinning so much I hardly noticed it anyway.

Fortunately when we returned home, my brothers-in-law were able to buff the blue out of our car, so it was white when we returned it.

Rather than make this the longest blog post ever written, I'll continue tomorrow with the portion of the story in which the car breaks down and miracles occur.

In the meantime, tell me, what was the worst thing that happened on your honeymoon?


  1. No no no, why am I in that car photo?  I maintain that I wasn't even there.  I cry Photoshop!  I am innocent!

  2. Great story!!!! I love reading life stories and experiences! What Alyssa did to your car sounds exactly like something I did to someone when I was young so I can't say much about that other than I am sure it was done with love and humor!!!

    Keep up the blogs Cynthia!! :~)

  3. Ooooh Nooooo!!! How did that happen? Did it ruin the honeymoon?

  4. Thank you, Jason. Truthfully, My Boy and The Hillbilly's son were more at fault than Alyssa. She really was standing around shaking her head and rolling her eyes most of the time. At least that's what she tells me.

  5. I spent 8 hours huddled on a super expensive chartered deep sea fishing boat , sea sick and drowsy from the Dramamine watching NO ONE catch NOT ONE SINGLE FISH. I don't have your positive attitude about the whole experience. We didn't drown. That's a blessing. 
    Alyssa definetley has the stance of a mastermind/ supervisor in that picture.

  6. Yuck. I hope your new husband took good care of you after that. Pretty sure he owed you.
    And yeah, Alyssa is pretty bossy, so she was probably supervising the whole thing. I'll bet she bought the crepe paper.

  7. I am on husband #3 and we had a lovely honeymoon, the best ever. He was delivering a cube van full of flowers for a TV show a few days after the wedding, so my 18 months old daughter and I came along for the ride. We drove from southern Germany all the way up to the most northern point in a cube truck filled with flowers. The smell was awesome. After he delivered his load (no pun intended) we spent a few days in northern Germany by the ocean. It was perfect.
    Love your blog and your stories!

  8. Thank you, Kerstin. A honeymoon with flowers! How wonderful!

  9. Cynthia I loved this post. You look so beautiful at your wedding - all of you do.
    I love the visual of your honeymoon - you feeling sick and dizzy, Mr. Hillbilly with an aching tooth - taking in Monterey! Two peas in a pod.
    Thanks so much for linking up and helping us to celebrate our blogoversary, I was hoping we would see one of your posts up here ... et voila! (-:

  10. Ado, I wouldn't have missed your blogoversary for anything!

  11. Hahaha, that's funny. In hindsight of course - I'm sure it was no fun being ill on honeymoon!

    Thanks for linking up with us for Blog Bash!

    1. Thanks, Alison. I'm happy to share your blogoversary with you! Truthfully, we laughed about it at the time too. It was just all too ridiculous!


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