Monday, August 27, 2012

The Hillbilly Boy Takes Up Boxing

Friends, as near as I can tell, in The Hillbilly's opinion, a "heathen" is anybody with worse manners than The Hillbilly himself. Today he's going to demonstrate those awesome manners that kept him from being a heathen hillbilly boy.

But first, it's time for an English class Pop Quiz!
Which of these sentences is correct?
Us hillbilly boys like to roam in the woods.
We hillbilly boys like to roam in the woods.
The answer is at the bottom of this post. Now, here's The Hillbilly:

Before I was interrupted with having to defend myself from those maligning comments made by Cynthia, I was blogging about my old grade school days.  So returning back to that, I thought I would talk about my first school fight.  I mentioned in a prior blog that, though we had knife carrying boys, we had almost no violence.  In fact, in all my 8 years of grade school, I can only think of two or three fights and a couple of "almost" fights.  Come to think of it, I was in most of these, which is kind of surprising seeing as I was such a sweet, nice, dutiful, hillbilly.  Hmm!  That is just hard to understand.

Anyway, my first fight was in the first grade.  I had been in school for about 3 ½ months when we received a snowstorm. This was the longest 3 ½ months of my life!  Anyway, there were a few inches of snow on the ground and it was still snowing.  It was one of those types of days where all schools would be closed in this day and time!  They didn’t close down for much of anything back then. At any rate, on this day, the bus dropped us off to a locked up school.  The roads were so bad that the teacher was running late.

So here we were, thirty-some bundled up kids ages 6 to 13 years old, all piled up on a covered porch.  What could go wrong?

Landaff, Grafton County, New Hampshire. The "Blue School" is one of 3 one-room schools in Landaff. G . . . - NARA - 521531

Well, after a short time, a bored, spoiled, heathen, hillbilly child that was a couple of years older and bigger than me, began sneaking up behind all the other children (boys and girls), and pushing them off into the snow.  I was one of the beneficiaries of his pushes.  No one particularly liked it, but no one was really that angry over it.

After a while, when everyone caught on and was watching out for him, he stopped.  So, thinking that turnabout was fair play, I waited until he wasn’t looking, snuck up behind him, and yes, I pushed him off.  Yeah, take that, you little heathen boy.  Much to my surprise, the next thing I knew, this older, larger boy decided that I was a punching bag!  Not taking too kindly to that, I began my first effort at boxing.

Giulio del Torre Zwei raufende Buben 1927

Being raised a few notches above heathenism, I had never boxed.  Yeah, I had wrestled around some with cousins, neighbor kids and such, but we were not allowed to hit.  So this was new!  All I knew to do was to act kind of like one of those old time Rockem Sockem Robots.  As fast as I could, I worked my arms like pistons at his stomach.

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This was going pretty good until the little heathen hit me in the head.  Ouch, that didn’t feel very good!  So I hit him in the head!  Yeah, how did you like that, little heathen boy!  After lots of my piston punches to the body, and a few punches to his head, the older boys broke it up.  They declared me the winner!  I have no idea if I was winning.  They may have just said this to make the little heathen angry!

The teacher finally showed up.  The teacher never did know about the fight, which was probably good for me.  Believe it or not, the little heathen was the teacher’s pet!

Anyway, the little heathen and I, never had problems again!  Hopefully, lessons were learned.  I know I learned lessons such as, watch out for spoiled, heathen children sneaking up behind you, or learn to box better so spoiled heathen boys will know better than to attack you.  Hey!  Give me a break!  I was 6 years old and a hillbilly to boot.  Life’s lessons are not necessarily far reaching at that point in your life.

Well, there is a moral here.  This little, spoiled, heathen, hillbilly boy and his actions are the perfect example of an old saying that was once commonly heard: "If you can’t take the heat, stay out of the kitchen."  This saying probably doesn’t make as much sense today as it once did.  But years ago, people, even some of my childhood neighbors, had wood cook stoves.  You can imagine how hot it got in their kitchens in the summertime.

El Cerrito, San Miguel County, New Mexico. Rooms in all these houses differ considerably as to furn . . . - NARA - 521181

The basic meaning of the saying was, that if you can’t take it, don’t start it with others.  Obviously, this little heathen boy couldn’t take what he had been enjoying dishing out to others.

From the Hillbilly’s corner!     

Pop Quiz Answer
We hillbilly boys like to roam in the woods.
It doesn't matter if you're hillbilly boys or baseball players or penguins, you still say "We like to roam in the woods."

How did you do? And aren't you glad you're not a hillbilly heathen? I never actually got in a physical fight in school. Did you?

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