Wednesday, January 18, 2012

10 Things I Have Never Learned to Do.

 I started to call this post "10 Things I Never Learned to Do," but that sounded so final.  "10 Things I Have Never Learned to Do" seems to leave the possibility that I could still learn them someday. I probably won't, but I'm just sayin'.

So in no particular order, here they are.

1. Whistle-- I can whistle a tune, or I used to be able to, but I could never do that piercing, attention-getting through-the-teeth whistle. I really want to. Last summer I even watched a You Tube video and practiced a few days. I got to where I could actually make a noise!

2. Do a cartwheel -- I hated tumbling in gym class because I COULD NOT do it! Somehow I got all turned around and couldn't figure out where I was supposed to go. It might have been fun to be able to do that. We'll never know.

3. Knit -- I can crochet, and I've made lots of cool things including Christmas stockings and baby blankets. Knitting just looks impossible. There's no little hooky thingy to hang onto the yarn with. I'm fairly certain it is, in fact, impossible.

4. Play the guitar -- My boy Ben plays the guitar. I don't. I'm pretty sure that he doesn't know that I tried to learn at one point before he was born. I quit because it hurt my fingers. I can pick out a tune on the piano though.

5. French braid -- My poor little girl never had her hair French braided because her incompetent mommy could never figure it out. I tried; honest I did. The results were quite frightening and nothing a young child should be subjected to. So we went with the pony tails.


6. Dive -- See #2 above. Much the same thing. I can swim...a little. I don't drown anyway. And man can I float! I can float all day. I can float in my sleep. I have got the floating thing down, baby!!  But the diving thing? Not so much.

7.  Ski -- I went skiing exactly one time. First off, I have asthma, and the air is cold and my nose is running and I just generally can't breathe. Then comes the car ride home from the mountain during which all of my muscles stiffen with the absolute firmness of concrete and I have to be removed from the car with a ... okay I don't know. Just insert some sort of mechanical device right there. And then the next day parts of my body that I didn't even know I had, turn in their resignation and/or go on strike whichever metaphor strikes your fancy. What I learned from that expedition was that I will never ski again. Don't even bring it up.

8. Juggle -- It is becoming apparent from this list that I am somewhat coordinationally challenged. I made that word up, but feel free to use it if you like it. You're welcome.

9. Paint anything without dripping. -- I'm talking, walls, furniture, whatever. If I paint it, you will find drip marks in the paint when I am done. That is all.

10. Belly dance -- I haven't given up on this one. I have instructional DVDs and everything. I've just been waiting for the boy to move out so I'd have uninterrupted private time to practice. I'll keep you posted.

Be sure to check out my list of 10 things I CAN do, just so you don't think I'm completely helpless.

So what have you not learned to do yet? Is there any chance you might still learn to do it someday? What's holding you back? Let's all get started learning something new in the new year! Now where did I put that DVD?