Friday, January 18, 2013

You Might Be an Eighth Grade Teacher

You might be an eighth grade teacher if...
  • you've ever eaten a granola bar and Pepsi for lunch while grading 100 vocabulary tests.
  • someone has asked you, "How long is this school in feet?"

  • you've been told, "You're my favorite teacher," by someone whose very name makes you cringe...
  • you've spent time scraping chewing gum off your carpet, out of the drinking fountain, or off of your shoe.
  • you believe that chewing gum is an abomination.
  • you hang a sign on your door that says, "Don't come in here at lunch unless you plan on being quiet!"
  • you have shocked people by telling them that no one had a home computer when you were in junior high school.
  • you tell five people to pull their pants up and three other people to put on a jacket or get a more modest shirt from the nurses's office.
  • during a discussion on irregular verbs, someone raises her hand and asks you where you get your nails done.

  • you've been told, "You've got swag. You wear your clothes with confidence".
  • you find yourself staring blankly into a youngster's face trying to figure out what he's talking about only to realize that he has confused the words cyclone and clone.
  • some days seem like an endless stream of nonsequitors.

  • you give your last granola bar to a kid because she didn't have breakfast.
  • you are given daily reports on Justin Bieber's latest exploits. You didn't ask.
  • you have to tell a young lady that she can't use the restroom for that reason because she used that reason all last week.
  • in a thirty minute period, 15 people ask you, "Where are the scissors?" and your answer is always, "In the art supply cabinet."
  • in the next fifteen  minutes 10 people ask you, "Where do the scissors go?"
  • you have to tell people, "The art supply cabinet is that cabinet with the sign on it that says, 'art supplies'."
  • someone asks you, "You know when Bruce Lee was wearing that yellow and brown track suit? What movie was that in?" and honestly expects you to know.
  • you instruct people to write about a celebrity and one of them asks,"Is Sponge Bob a celebrity?"
  • you are sick and tired of hearing, "Someone stole my pencil!"        
  • the words "rally schedule" fill you with dread.
  • you feel the urge to tell total strangers in the grocery store to spit their gum out.

So that's my life. It's a good think I love the crazy, hormone-ridden little people.