Thursday, February 7, 2013

A Real Question for The Hillbilly

Hey, look! One of these questions for The Hillbilly is from a real person! I'll give you a hint. It's not one of the first two.

Dear Hillbilly
Obviously, from your last Dear Hillbilly posting, I take it that you are not a big fan of people wearing flip flips.  So what do you think about high heels.
Aerosoles Grape Leaves Black Fabric, a Boot Shoe for Women
Who cares what he thinks? How cute are these? On sale at Designer Shoes!
Dear Sherry
Well Sherry, I always found them to be uncomfortable!  Just joking!  In New York City, I did see a guy about 6’ tall and 250 lbs. wearing a short skirt, fishnet hose and high heels.  In a city where everyone has seen about everything and is fairly accepting of fruit cakes, fruit pies, etc. everyone was still staring and laughing.  Fortunately, he didn’t go crazy, (crazier), and start trying to kill everyone with the heels!  I mean, I almost died laughing anyway!

I am losing focus here.  I am sure you are talking about high heels being worn by women---hopefully!  Anyway, high heels are designed to make women’s legs look longer and by the way they elevate a woman’s heel, to make the calf muscles be more defined.  This of course makes the legs look more shapely.  This works pretty well.  Most women look pretty good in them at least while standing still.

Cynthia, who just likes shoes period, has a hard time passing up any kind of cute or pretty pairs of shoes.  I think she once showed a pair of her red high heels on one of her posts!

Don't be silly. That was on Facebook. THE MOST BEAUTIFUL RED SHOES IN THE WORLD!
At any rate, there can be problems with them.  The heel  length should probably be limited to how well you can walk in high heels.  If you walk wobbly, like a small child learning to walk or like me on stilts, then I don’t care how pretty the shoes are or how good they make your legs look, they just make you look like a hayseed or a klutz.  On the other hand, some people act as if they were born in them!  When my daughter was two, we spent a lot of time with couples from church.  Many of the women would kick off their heels.  My daughter would put them on, and somehow hold them on with her toes.  She not only walked well with them , but could run and jump over peoples legs with them.  It was probably a sign, because much to my dismay, she went on to travel around the world while modeling.

 Anyway, I guess you have to make the decision: am I wobbly walker, a stiff robotic walker, or smooth and graceful walker in high heels.  If you wind up on your nose, or need to oil your knees, the answer will probably come to you!  You might want to go to more of a wedge type of heel.  They seem to be much easier to walk in and give the same basic effect on the legs.

Dear Hillbilly
I know that you are from Southern Missouri, so kind of from the South.  So what do you think of grits?
I'd just like to say, "EEEWWW!" Thank you.

Dear Shirley
Grits are not my favorite.  However, they are better that the pits and way better than the sh-----, (diarrhea), if you know what I mean.

Where do people come up with questions like this?

Dear Hillbilly
You are married to a writer and lifetime student of English Word(s).  I am like your wife, a writer and former English Teacher.  Writers are known to be a high-maintenance, crazy lot.  What is your general advice for spouses, like my long suffering wife, of writers?
Sincerely Lance

Dear Lance
I clicked on your avatar and saw that you are much younger and better looking than I.  Hmm!  I may be jealous.
Follow Lance on Twitter and on his blog.

Since you are big into English, you are obviously bright and crazier than, I mean crazy like a fox!  As far as advice for Mrs. Lance, I suggest that when Lance is railing about imperfection in both the written and spoken word, only roll your eyes, (and you will roll your eyes), when turned away from him.  When you laugh, (and you will laugh), seem to be coughing.

I admit, sometimes I roll my eyes and laugh out loud.  When Cynthia starts bulling up, I hug her and laugh louder!  Then I add a few kisses to the neck, etc.  This then lends itself to other possibilities.  So, Mrs. Lance, if this doesn’t work, and Lance just isn’t seeing the possibilities in this, he may not be as bright as I first thought!

From the Hillbilly’s Corner!

He is so embarrassing. Yes, he's good at distracting me, but embarrassing nonetheless. 
And why does he only make up women's names? What does this mean? Should I be worried?
Also, does ANYONE actually like grits? Questions that need answers!

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