Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Seriously? Ask The Hillbilly?

So this whole Internet thing is going to The Hillbilly's head, and he thinks he should run an advice column. Sigh. Here  he is.

Being an intelligent and inventive hillbilly, for the benefit of Cynthia’s readers, I have decided to add a new feature to mix in with my posts.  I am going to offer readers the possibility of asking questions to gain some hillbilly wisdom.  Being inventive, we will call it Dear Hillbilly.  The following will be an example for your entertainment:

Dear Hillbilly
I have recently noticed and been shocked by women protesters that that seem to have a hard time keeping their clothes on.  Do you think that this tactic to draw attention to their cause is effective?

Dear Sarah
Are you kidding me?  There are several reasons that this won’t and can’t work.  First, any man that came by would in great surprise be saying something like, "Would you look at this, there are na-na-nak-naked wo-women out here".  Later, if you asked them about the protest, they would get a crooked little grin on their face, and then say something to the effect, "It was a protest?  Did they have signs?  I didn’t see signs."  And that would be a completely truthful answer.

If women came by, there would be a couple of reactions with neither of them being good.  Many would just be offended.  Even worse, If they were with their husbands or boyfriends, they would be angry at the women, angry at their husbands or boyfriends and chewing them out if they even looked in the direction of the protests.  Then the rest of the evening would be ruined due to the wives or girlfriends being in a bad mood and or acting as if they were mad at the world.

As an example, a friend of mine and his buddy went on a fishing float trip.  Their wives were to meet them and pick them up at a preassigned takeout.  They had a great day, great weather, great fishing.  Then they got to the pickup point.  Things changed quickly!  Naked women from some commune were lying all over the place and sunning.  The guys were amazed, and the wives were angry!  The poor, innocent men were in the dog house for days and all they did was float to the takeout.  Well, they might have looked ---- once or twice.

At any rate, the protesters would have done their cause no good.  The men wouldn’t have noticed what they were protesting anyway and the women would have been too mad to care.  So they would have been better off to leave their clothes on.  Besides the sun or cold weather, etc. is bad for skin!

Dear Hillbilly
We women like to wear flip flops, and they are making them in more fashionable designs to wear with various and assorted clothing.  What do you think of them?

Dear Ann
Have you watched women or men walk in these?  The average person is about as graceful in them as a pregnant elephant.  Not only are they ugly but they make people walk ugly.  I have only seen two girls that looked graceful in them.  They looked to be about 13 – 15 years old and looked to be from the islands.  In amazement, I pointed them out to Cynthia.  So unless you can walk like them, don’t wear flops beyond your yard or some appropriate place, like nowhere, as they are a fashion flop.
Trust me, I am a fashion expert!

From the Hillbilly’s Corner!

No he's not! Pssh. This is me shaking my head and rolling my eyes. By the way, he totally made those names up. No one asked him those questions. He made them up too. But YOU could ask The Hillbilly a question. He'd just love to answer it for you!


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